Chapter VII – 232-229BC
232 BC – Nenenene Nenenene BATMAN
KAPOW! I siege Vicus Marcomanii, holding the Dacian leader.
BASH! Marcellus kills yet more Gauls and gains the title “The Great”
GERUND! He then marches forth and sieges Narbo Martius, with 4000 Gauls holed up inside.
BIVOUAC! Captain Placidia moves so he can support Marcellus in the event of a counter-attack
MOOSE! The Dacians siege me at Porrolissum.
231 BC – The Big One
The Gallic army attacks! This is 3000 v 4000, winner takes all. Let’s size up the teams:
2400 warband, 600 swordsmen, 600 chosen, 300 heavy cavalry
vs
1300 warband, 600 velites, 600 hastati, 300 light cavalry, MARCELLUS THE GREAT
Gauls to go first. Both sets of reinforcements are delayed, so I have the time to more or less kill the 800 troops I initially face, though my warbands take massive losses against a single unit of chosen swordsmen. My reinforcements (2 hastati and a velite) spawn directly next to the humoungous enemy ones that comprise most of their force, so run all the way to my defended position.
The Gigantogaul force form in one long thin line and begin to converge on my position. I take my cavalry off to the side and punch through a warband as they get nearer. The chosen swordsmen and heavy cavalry impact into my front line, and immediately one hastati routs. I plug the gap with my reserve troops and grit my teeth as massive infantry losses are sustained. Marcellus goes off to the flanks and charges through my lines into the general. Meanwhile, the rest of my cavalry wheels around and heads back to the main fight. Marcellus manages to rout the enemy general and I send a unit with 7 equites left to chase after him. I carry on, plunging into the sides of the main battle.
My cavalry smash into the back of the chosen swordsmen once, twice….on the third attempt, they finally rout. It’s a slow collapse, I have to crush inwards, but it eventually works. The equites succeed with catching up with and despatching the enemy warlord and I take this, grabbing my remaining infantry and hurling them into the units from the far ends of the line. Surprise defeats numbers, and the Gauls are finally routed. It is the beginning of the end for them. I march unopposed into Narbo Martius, 31 years after having been forced to leave. It is good to be the king.
Meanwhile, the Dacians sally rather more successfully from Vicus Marcomanii, led by their enigmatic leader Scylarus. Nothing goes right for me in this battle, and the Romans are knocked out of Dacia for a few years. In further depressing news, the Greeks attack my forces as they siege Thermon. I inflict huge casualties but am defeated incredibly closely. Sucks to be me. The overall effects of this year’s battles are 4000 dead Roman soldiers, fully one quarter of my entire armed forces, to 6000 dead enemies. Seems Marius couldn’t come soon enough. I start to rebuild my army from the ground up, with troops that can take a pounding.
230 BC – For Attrition!
Marcellus’ destroyers split in two and siege Lugdunum and Lemonum, having a river face-off while troops in Greece attack the still siege-damaged Thermon again. There are hardly any defenders left now, and they are easily destroyed. Another city joins me, I dance a little jig, that’s what I do.
229 BC – Double the fun
I send around a plague-spy to the remaining non-Roman Greek cities and cackle evilly. Lugdunum is assaulted and, protected by a single warband as it is, is absorbed into Julian territory with minimum fuss. I siege Campus Lazyges and the Dacians immediately sally, two 1000-man armies against my one. I expcted one to be behind my deployment zone so deploy accordingly, but the dastardly swine are on the other side of the map. Both are about the same distance away so I quickly march to one of them, managing to sink their wardogs in a barrage of arrowfire before routing the rest of them in a counter-charge without too may losses. Busy, busy, redeploy to face the next army, not so many arrows, not so many deaths caused, they have two warlords, one flanks, charges into my cohort, they get him and then flee, the archer auxilia hold him in place, the other charges into my principes, one routs, the other takes him out. The other two principes are fighting 3 warbands and about ten million doggies. Here come the cavalry from chasing the other army, they go to each hotspot in turn and neutralise it.
Run spot run.
Chapter VI – 238-233BC
238 BC – Another day, another province
I love fighting rebel armies. They’re so s**t. 546 kills to 15 losses somewhere in Greece. A big Gallic force tries to blast through Marcellus’ bridge warriors but he manages to grind them down into an eventual rout. Barbarian infantry are so damn useful in these battles – a warcry and charge into troops crossing the river works wonders. It takes all my men to rout the chosen swordsmen (while they massacre nearly all my legionary troops), but once they fall, the rest follow pretty easily.
The Dacians sally at Aquincum with another big old army. I play ridge defender and this time, thank God, I withstand the charge, and manage to flank, counter-charge and win a heroic victory. Again the mercenary barbarians prove their sheer doggedness is a massive help. Quintus is gaining more prestige every day. Today he has 2 prestige, tomorrow, he will have more than 2. Just like that.
237 BC – A truckload of war
I was just thinking “You know, I’m not at war with enough countries” and sure enough, Greece besiege Larissa with a decent-sized army. The city itself is defended by about 4 units, including 0 archers, so I move the only missile unit I can find nearby next to the city. My faction leader Lucius assaults Iuvavum (yeah, I had to look up the spelling twice) and the enormous fool nobly impales himself on a warband spear, draining the fight from the remaining Romans who flee. Sigh. The Dacians continue to push me back, massacring a new-look Roman force that is moving north.
Long live Quintus Victor, new emperor of the Julians!
Marcellus, bridge defender extraordinaire, faces his biggest challenge to date, as three Gallic warlords team up with a full stack of warriors in the name of FINALLY BREAKING THROUGH. Hah! My fighting style is best described here as a lasagne, as I steadily layer on the troops into the beach-head melee, rather than my traditional big charge. This works wonders, and two warlords die with the third fleeing with tail ‘twixt legs and the families of 2400 dead Gauls to write letters to. The fact that both he and the families are illiterate isn’t the point, it’s the symbolism which matters. For the same reasons, I make Marcellus my new faction heir.
And then the Greeks assault Larissa. They have ballistas, which they fire at my gates while I rush archers from the countryside into position. They manage to burn up the siege ram before it batters down my gate, and so all I have to worry about is wall-fighting. Principes prove adept at this and prevent the Greeks gaining a foothold. Mind, it’s partly their fault for sending peasants up a siege tower. To stop the rest retreating I send my men down the ladders they had just defended against and take the fight to those who remain. Greeks die en masse. My final act is to destroy the siege tower with 100 hoplites entombed inside. Good times.
236BC – Dropping like flies
Quintus keeps heading north and besieges Lovosice, but dies for no goddamn reason / old age at the gates. There goes my third leader with his glorious one year reign. Marcellus the Brave is my new leader. Huzzah!
*throws hat in the air*
At 33, he’ll hopefully live a lot longer. The remainder of Quintus’ army assault Lovosice and soundly destroy the faction heir holed up inside. What an irony. Iuvavum is resieged and destroyed in a similar way, using skirmishers to winkle out the enemy from their unroutable positions. I’d like to be able to say the same thing about the Greek city of Thermon, but despite being able to use onagers for the first time in a siege environment, I am not successful. HINT: Do not attack Greek phalanxes head on. Generals are wont to spontaneously grow large holes through their person.
235 – 234 BC – The Dacia, The
I attack Thermon again and the same happens. The problem with taking a city square is that the only route in is a small road. Each time, the enemy general charges and scatters all my principes without me being able to do much. Gnnngh. I take out my frustrations on more peasants (they burn so well) and Dacians (they’re like colanders by the time I’m out of arrrows). Marcellus’ river asskickers are attacked again but I can tell the Gaul’s hearts really aren’t in this. What they are in, is the river, floating downstream. I bribe me a rebel general to help out my leaderless Dacia-crushers. Who, incidentally, siege and take another city, Porolissum, as a sally goes wrong when they leave the gates open.
233 BC – Change!
More Dacian patrols get beaten back, though I am continually taking fairly heavy losses. The falxmen in particular are formidable enemies. The result of several skirmishes is 900 dead Dacians to 600 dead Romans. The typical Roman army at this point is half hastati, principe and warband, and half equite, skirmisher and archer. I need some kind of stabilising thing if I want to do better…hmm….some guy called Marius has an idea.
The Marian Reforms are enacted, obsoleting all my troops ¬_¬
Marcellus has had enough of defending the river and finally strikes for Narbo Martius. It will be mine. Sooooon…
Chapter V – 245-239BC
245 BC – Treachery!
My long-term (well, about ten years) allies Dacia decide they’ve had enough of my smug Roman ways, and I find a small army sieging Patavium. My complete lack of soldiers in the North Italian area isn’t going to help here. I put together what men I can and attack a smaller contingent that is circling towards Arimium, my second city. The result is crushing defeat, as I don’t adjust my battle-style for the harder-hitting Dacian infantry. Erk. Tweaking slightly, I find enough troops for a second attack and finally manage to kill them, though with heavy losses. Tricksy.
Not wishing to lose my stride, I assault Thessalonica, and this ‘un goes well. I storm the walls with and take the towers myself. Their phalanxes are forced to retreat under the rain of arrows from their own defences. Mwuhaha. Though the square is defended to the last man, I manage to finish them off without too much hassle. Come winter, the victorious army marches north and sieges Bylazora, another Macedonian city.
244 BC – Seleucia? More like Seluciaren’t
Pontus and Egypt have been squeezing the Seleucids like a tube of colgate and today there is no more toothpaste. Oh noes! I mourn their passing by sallying forth from Patavium in concert with the troops that had just won that, ahem, “glorious” victory and for once, things go my way. A well-timed cavalry charge is enough to tip it my way and Italy is safe for another day.
Bylazora puts up little resistance after the walls are kersploded, and I add another dominion to my ever-growing empire. This is perhaps noteworthy as the first battle I have used archers in, and they prove invaluable at whittling down the densely-packed phalanxes. Here’s a valley of death moment:
243 BC – Rome 1:2 Barbarians
My hodgepodge of reinforcements siege the Dacian city of Segestica, and are attacked by their faction heir, Scyles. I decide to hide at the top of a forested hill, forgetting that all Dacian troops gain huge bonuses from fighting in woods. Sigh. A mixture of warbands and javelin volleys keep off the first wave but the second, larger wave impacts on my lines like a sledgehammer on jelly, to top it off I am outflanked and barbarian cavalry thunder into my defenceless/gormless general and in seconds they break and flee. Back to the drawing boards, I need bigger, better armies than these knock-kneed pillocks.
242 BC – Imperial March
Captain Herius is fast, also he is from the past, not just fast but from the past, captain He-ree-uss. He smashes a tentative Macedonian raiding party, killling over 800 for the loss of 11 men.
Bloody hell archers are good. He continues on his bloody warpath and lays siege to Byzantium, the last Macedonian place north of the Pelloppenes. I can’t spell that.
Marcellus on the bridge is providing plenty of food for the trolls on the Gallic border. This time, his meager forces are attacked by 500 well-armed chosen swordsmen. They break through my infantry smothering box, but luckily Marcellus rescues me with some clever decoy work. Even the chosen don’t like being attacked on three sides simultaneously. Some of the Massilian garrison split off and reinforce this vital bottleneck while I deal with the more immediate Dacians.
Now, you may remember Quintus Julius, who a few years ago saved my bottom by making good after Publius’ (hehe) legions were destroyed in Italy. He’s on the move again, drawing a new army to him, recruiting mercenaries, and lays siege to Segestica again. No surrender etc. As it goes, the Julian empire now holds around 25,000 citizens, employs just short of 10,000 soldiers, and has over 80,000 denarii in the bank.
241 BC – So lon’, Macedon
Super Captain Herius and the Wonder Legion assault Byzantium and smash it into small, bitesize chunks. The ruins get fed up and so spend their time looking all poetic and empty. All goes well until the city square, where a single enemy unit of light lancers manages to carve through all my battle-hardened principes. Gnnnngh. Luckily, my cavalry manage to make them pay and add Byzantium to the special friends group of settlements, but the loss of one thousand men is not unnoticed. The legion decide to settle for a bit before the strike at Dacia.
Quintus the awesome assaults Segestica and smacks down the faction heir holed up in there all on his own (though the enraged guy did take over 200 skirmishers down with him). He leaves a bare bones garrison and marches to the river, to check any Dacian counter. I’m considering printing up posters to celebrate his incredibility.
240-239 BC – Non-combat
Sort of. Another Dacian army sieges Patavium, so I bribe them away. Expensive but satisfying.
I take my first onager for a test run on some rebels. Quintus’ merc-bulked army besieges the Dacian capital, Aquincum. Oh, and I sign a trade agreement with Parthia. They should be far enough away not to invade me for no reason.
Chapter IV – 251-246BC
251 BC – BBFC upgrade my campaign rating to PG13
Well, I’m now at war with Macedon, yes, yes, but I don’t want the Gauls to feel out so I bribe Lugdunum to join me with my fast-expanding cash reserves. The cost comes to 9000 or so Denarii, a snip at the price. Meanwhile, a large army without general goes to siege Narbo Martius. Numerius Julius comes of age in Appolonia, and joins the growing Balkan army I’m maneuvering about there. The House of Julii celebrates its 20th anniversary, and it has come to my attention that our people are somewhat less populous than they could be. Years and years of defending against the Gauls have left my cities depleted of men, so I designate the next ten years as the “Everybody have sex” decade, in the hope I can start building better barracks when the cities upgrade. I’m yet to get hold of Principes, dammit.
On top of that, I’m running out of things to buy and it doesn’t do to keep your reserves high – things in general start to get decadent. Generals in general start to get decadent. I also cancel the delivery of fifteen crates of EZ-peel grapes. They can make do with the other forty, lazy swines. And no more than two slaves per grape.
250 BC – ROME SMASH! RAAH!
Numerius lays siege to the Macedonian city of Larissa – Brutii troops are currently blocking off the souther half of their provinces, so I decide to go for everything North of Albania. The garrison sallies with significant reinforcements in the next season. Fully 4000 men face my 2000. It is time to see if Numerius is the man his resumé made him out to be.
Fortunately, the two enemy waves are spaced out, but it is imperative I deal with the first before the second has a chance to join in. I deploy in a more or less traditional line setup, with two rows of hastati sandwiching my mercenary skirmishers, and some light cavalry hiding in the treeses. These cavalry are vital in dealing with the first wave.
After defeating the enemy cavalry away from the infantry portions of our armies through attrition, they wheel back, and while the hastati thin and pin (I am so trademarking that phrase) the numerous phalanxes, I am able to charge them from numerous directions and force a decent rout. The second wave is a little trickier to deal with, my forces, especially cavalry, depleted as they are, but it follows a more or less similar pattern. Vitally, I am able to counter-charge the mini-horde of light lancers led by the King of Macedon himself before they cause spectacular damage to my general’s head. After their mobility is taken from them, mopping up the remaining phalanxes isn’t too hard. They have learnt nothing since Alexander.
I march into Larissa, and as there doesn’t appear to be a ticker-tape parade forthcoming, put 11,000 Macedonians to death. That’ll teach them to stand up for themselves. Grrr…
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (and by ‘ranch’ I mean ‘Gaul’), my forces retreat to the river from another mahoosive horde. The horde press on and decide to attack a fortified river position. The sillies.
I use my trademark box formation (really quite effective for a side with no long-range missile abilities) and charge the Gauls down, scattering some of them into the river for a very morbid version of Pooh Sticks. After the battle, the previously unheralded Marcellus Messius is promoted to royal status. I love when this happens. Finally, the senate inform me Pergamum is no longer a relevant blockading target and suggest I go pick on Athens instead.
249 BC – Same as it Ever Was (Gaul in the deep again)
The newly-bribed city of Lugdunum is besieged and assaulted in successive turns by an enormous Gaul force. Not really much I can do other than spray and pray. Desperate defending is no use as I am completely outnumbered and Lugdunum falls with nary a whimper.
Spray...
...pray.
The Gauls assault my river guards again, showing a complete lack of pattern spotting and/or logic. But that’s why I love ‘em.
A flock of low-flying javelin birds take care of them.
Bwahaha. As fun as it is soaking up large Gaul armies like this, I decide to push back to Narbo Martius again.
248 BC – Conform to Stereotype
I spot that the administrator and all-round bastard Amulius has been nicknamed “the mean”. To justify this, I equip him with the first pack of wardogs to roll off the production lines and get them to chase down some peasants that had sprung up. I forgot how fun this was!
My team en route to Narbo Martius is attacked a-freakin’-gain, this time by the warlord Cassivellaunus. The Gauls are swift becoming a thorn in my side – My hastati simply aren’t strong enough to take the charge unscathed, and I have to rely on nimble cavalry movements and general wearing down of warbands to win the day. I succeed, bruised, and siege Narbo. Please God let it fall soon.
247 to 246 BC – Days of the Groundhog
The Gauls sally again, this time with two big armies. I make the tactical decision to defeat one and then withdraw, after another Gallic charge decimates me again. Ho-hum. Back to the river. I’m really looking forward to repeatedly killing the population of Narbo, you know. Elsewhere, Numerius lays siege to the Macedonian capital, Thessalonica. Bugger all happens in 246, other than the sound of siege weaponry being feverishly constructed. Larissa starts to churn out some principes and archers.
Chapter III – 260-252BC
260 BC – Sneaky, Sneaky, Catchy Gauly
The New Roman army is beginning to take shape as four units of equites (light cavalry) are in the group that manages to ambush a huge Gaul force as they head towards my capital. I will not have the opportunity to attack so many Gauls so easily, so this is a grasper of a situation. Placing them all within easy range and on several sides of the latest Warlord and his bodyguard. I’ve got to throw caution to the wind to survive, and ram all four units into the poor guy.
He dies pretty much instantly, and with my other two units, hastati, forcing the rout of the next unit down the line at about the same time, the entire Gallic resistance crumbles. The horsemen ride down the line, mopping up pockets of resistance and in the end it is a stunning victory, 1211 kills to a mere 96 losses. Rome is safe for the forseeable future. Time to plan my fightback. I march the rest of the ambushing force, reinforcing as best I can, straight to the gate of Patavium before the Gauls counter-attack again and lay siege.
259 BC – Get the Hell Out of My Country
I load up some of these troops (along with the four being churned out by my cities each turn) and send them off to Massilia, my senate target. Patavium is assulted. Unfortunately, the only general I could find free at such short notice was the recently disgraced Publius. Sigh.
Street fights with warbands break out and ricochet through, negating my numerical advantage. Publius manages to engage and kill the King of Gaul himself, Brennus, and the Gaul force is pushed back to the square, but then he collapses like am unsprung slinky, sucumbing to the Publius condition. A charge into a warband goes poorly and Publius dies. Disheartened by the death of their ugly leader, the rest of the Romans turn tail and flee.
It’s time for Quintus Julius to pick up the pieces again. He rallies the few hundred troops huddled outside Patavium around burning barrels playing harmonicas and leads them in a second assault. This time, the fighting is competent, and the Gauls are pushed back and back and out of Italy, thanks to an excellent chain of events after one huge blunder. The population of Patavium is enslaved and spread around the empire. more troops ship off to Massilia. Life is good.
258 BC
Somewhat of a duller year, the empire in part recovering from the attrition its had to endure. Several new members of the family are born.
STAT ATTACK - The total population of my cities is 9052, my armed forces hold 2674 men, and the coffers hold 10256 denarii. Brittania has taken two of the German’s provinces and is pushing them back.
257 BC – Inexorable Expansion
Marcus Julius comes of age. To celebrate, I assault Massilia, still under rebel control, with three rams and an unspecified number of ewes. Breaking the walls in three pieces simulataneously gives me enough room to out-maneuver the hoplites that are defending, and forcing them back to the town square is achieved with showers of pila and javelins. The final asssault, while gruelling, is no particular bother, and Massilia joins the glorious ranks of the empire.
The senate’s reward is waiting back at my capital – a unit of triarii. Great. My new mission is to blockade Sparta.
Waaaay over there on the other side of the map.
*points*
256 BC – p**s off!
The Gauls decide I don’t deserve Massilia and attack in great strength. I decide to take a lesson from the botched first siege of Patavium and blockade the streets, hopefully removing their advantage of numbers. They bring hunting dogs, which actually manage to rout my town watch, but the two units of hastati I have filling the main boulevard hold firm. They shower javelins at the enemy when they retreat, and defend stoically when they push forward.
The Gauls, unable to charge properly, get in an attritional struggle which looks like going nowhere. So I move my equites through the alleys and sidestreets and wind up directly behind this huge, exhausted Gaul force, and apply pressure from both sides. The Gauls flee in abject terror after the general is slain, and are utterly crushed.
And now the sad news, at 10:49 AM on this day, Flavius Julius, leader of the Julians, passed away peacefully in his sleep. He had retired of late to his passion – running obscure ports on the west coast of Italy – and had done well with Segesta, turning it into a valuable pillar of the Roman Empire. He will be sadly missed. He is succeeded by his son Lucius, who is currently administrator at the capital Arretium. Also, he is bald. R.I.P. But, from death comes life and a new daughter, Helena, joins the Julian faction, to be auctioned off to the nobility as soon as she reaches fourteen. What a wonderful world.
255 BC – Quintus Julius, Superstar…
…leads an attack on some pesky rebels that had been blocking up my trade routes. Needless to say, they are destroyed with little pity for their peasanty status. I successfully blockade Sparta and am asked now to conquer Appolonia, and bring my empire in direct contact with the Greek and Macedonian civilisations. The Brutii apparently have the same task. Bugger that, it’s mine.
254-252 BC
Three years see five more family members swell my ranks. Say hello to Placidia, Galerius, Gratida, Caius, and Lepida. Hello. Finally managed to ship troops to Appolonia. I wasn’t helped by the plague hitting Salona in 253, a great deal of troops earmarked for the invasion had to be quarantined lest they spread disease and pestilence around the provinces.
This isn’t Warcraft, we don’t need a crappy plague as a major plot device. Appolonia is sieged and assaulted in the summer of 252, in conjunction with some Brutii who were apparently loitering with intent outside. I let them soak up most of the casualties whileslowly creeping to the square. It’s not a large or even spirited defence, and Appolonia is quickly made part of my growing empire. Elsewhere, the Brutii finally get off their arses and start causing some damage to Macedonia.
What’s that? You’d like a giant map? As if I’d let you down.
Chapter II – 265-261BC
265 BC – Consolidatin’
The senate tasks me now with capturing the Adriatic seaport of Salona. Quintus assaults Mediolanum and utterly overwhelms the bare bones garrison left, killing all 128 with only 13 losses. To make sure it eventually becomes Milan, I build shops.
264 BC – Cry me a River
Manius Julius comes of age in Narbo Martius, hopefully providing a useful figurehead to join up the empire. Faction leader Lucius helps charge down some errant rebel peasants (although there is a very hairy moment when the AI has control of my general…)
Publius (Hehehe) moves the massive North Italian Roman army to siege Patavium, and naturally, the Gauls sally in concert with more relief forces. I have no idea where they get all these guys from. Time for overconfidence to strike. I set up a defensive line as in the last big battle with the Gauls.
They attack as one, and unleash a devastating charge, forcing a rout of my entire army. Publius escapes with a bare handful of men, and is not just an idiot, he is an idiot with a stupid name. Also he smells.
Quintus acts fast to save Rome in Italy and marches 700 men to the single fording point of the Po. The Gauls attack en masse. My men set up in a box formation, designed so that javelins pepper the sides of those crossing, while they are funnelled against the defensively strong and high-maintenance barbarian infantry, seen here taunting some local youths in an unconnected incident.
At the point where more than half their army is across and fighting, the hastatii charge both flanks and my cavalry smash into the diagonals. Luckily, it works, and the whole Gallic force is ridden down as they try to escape back over the river.
More Gauls attack the same point, under the command of warlord Lugatrix. I try the same strategy, but despite managing to kill him, my men are too few and Quintus is lucky to escape with his life. He has, however, massively dented the Gallic expeditionary forces, so getting crushed is looking unlikely. For now.
263 BC – Forth and Back
Manius leads an army to Massilia, and a small force is shipped to Salona, noth laying siege. Trade rights and maps are exchanged with Dacia (who are expanding well) and Spain (who have driven Carthage from Cordoba).
However the year ends poorly, with a defeat in the field to the sallying pirates of Salona, and Manius is forced to head back to Narbo Martius as a large Gaul warband led by King Brennus hoves into view, defeating an opportunistic rebel bandit force en route.
262 BC – Zut Alors!
More trade rights are agreed, this time with Germania and Brittania (with the latter currently kicking the s**t out of the former). Brennus assaults as Manius is at the walls of Narbo, and despite the steely defence of my town watch, the two forces aren’t able to link up and combined with AI general idiocy, both father Vibius and son Manius are slain.
The Romans have been driven out of France after 5 years, and this is the end of one branch of my family tree.
In lighter news, further troops siege and assault Salona, this time defeating the evil pirates and satisfying the wonderfully illogical senate. Still, 5K isn’t to be sniffed at.
261 BC – 10 years in
Decius Julius comes of age and the senate tells me to go get Massilia so they can have something good to look at on the mantlepiece. I assign the former to the latter.
My first decade is over. In battles, I have made 9,000 kills to 5,000 losses.
Chapter I – 270-266BC
In the Summer of 2006, I decided to devote a period of time to playing and chronicling my adventures in Rome: Total War. It was the first such blog I had attempted and remains, for me, one of my favourites, so I’m going to secure it in safe internet format here. Enjoy!
–Jim
270 BC – High Hopes
The senate mission is to capture the unwalled rebel city Segesta, so that’s what I’ll do. All spare troops march there and begin the assault, led by faction leader Flavius Julius. It’s my first battle in about six months so I’m a little rusty but it’s only peasants and fiery death works wonders on their fragile egos. The city is easily taken and the Senate grants me an invaluable 5000 denarii, which I spend on… roads.
269 BC – Nothing sodding happens
Now the Senate wish me to take Narbo Martius, a Gallic port. Flavius’ youngest son, Vibius, is tasked with accomplishing this, and sets sail in good spirits.
268 BC – War with Gaul and Military Incompetence
Vibius lands, having taken a full year to travel from Italy to France, vowing never to set foot on a boat again, finds his way from the port to the city blocked by Gaulish warlord Vindex. The sides are pretty equal, so a terse stand-off develops. Using the Solid Snake school of subtlety, I move closer and closer to the enemy in plain view without actually being reacted to. Throwing aside the… cardboard box… of… tactics, my hastatii all charge at once, causing a mass panic and Vindex is slain as he runs away.
Vibius now marches to Narbo Martius and begins the siege.
The Gauls counter-attack. Segesta is sieged, and the garrison at Narbo is relieved by a Captain Budic and a couple of warbands. I deal with them fairly efficiently before turning to face the main army, led by Meriadoc, who is apparently exploring the warlike side of hobbit-hood. While the infantry fight each other to a standstill, Vibius gets bogged down in a sea of skirmishers, and Meriadoc charges him, causing him to flee. The coward.
With a mighty roar, the entirity of the Roman infantry ram into Meriadoc and his bodyguard, allowing Vibius to escape. Gallic warbands begin to recover and close in, and the romans find themselves fighting inwards and outwards, like incredibly violent jam in a doughnut. Things not looking good, so as a last-ditch attempt, the archers plough into the back of one warband unit. For a few seconds there is nothing, and then, slowly, the flaky doughnut pastry crumbles and the Romans are left just victorious. In the chaos, Meriadoc escapes back to Narbo Martius.
The anxious Vibius purchases a few mercenaries to keep his stranded Roman forces a viable army for a siege.
Meanwhile, back in North Italy, troops are being frantically built to slow the inevitable Gallic backlash against my homelands. Some are hiding in the forest, and are able to ambush just such an opponent. However, due to fantastically badly-planned charges, they get wiped out. While ambushing. Sigh. To add insult to injury, rebels attack my navy by Narbo Martius and sink most of it, meaning Vibius really is stranded.
267 BC – One thousand, three hundred and twenty-seven funerals and a wedding
The year begins with Fadia tying the knot with a promising military commander called Publius Ofonius. After giggling at his name, I find another Julius, Amulius, has come of age. These two will have the job of clearing up whatever is south of the alps.
Vibius attacks Narbo directly, with three battering rams. Concentrating on one wall, and with a few well-timed javelin showers, the guarding forces are easily routed, and as Godzilla carves a path to the city centre, Vibius kills Meriadoc in revenge for making him run like a little girl. Honour is satisfied.
Godzilla, yesterday
The Gauls attack my assembling North Italy destruction team, so I decide to try out a pincer movement. Two hastatii and a general to each claw, they charge one and I hammer with the other. My first real slaughter of the game.
Rebels siege my second city, Arimium, and sink what remains of my navy. The mayor is summoned, and presses three red buttons. Publius! Amulius! Lucius! House of Julii unite! This time an all-cavalry buckyball is the answer, as the rebels spread themselves too thin and allow cavalry to break through their flank and charge them on the rebound.
THIS IS JIMIUS
Arimium is safe.
266 BC – M-m-m-monster kill (kill, kill)
The newly liberated Narbo Martius is besieged, this time by Gauls, led by their faction leader Brennus. My Northern forces attack the main concentration of Gauls with fully one quarter of my armed forces. Making sure to steer clear of the woods, I despatch the main army without much hassle. Then a few reinforcements (two warbands and a general) dribble in, and not only manage to rout my entire left flank, but decimate my right, and only desperate charging drives them off.
Now, fully one tenth of my armed forces are dead. Not so good. Nevertheless, Quintus presses on and sieges Mediolanum (Milan).
Another Gaulish relief force, outnumbering me 3:2, springs up and attacks the siegers. The sallying garrison are easily got rid off, allowing me just enough time to arrange my Hastatii to meet the oncoming swordsmen. I’m not willing to withstand another gaul charge this time, so steal the initative, and for once it pays off, with my cavalry completing the rout.
