The Rise And Fall Of The House Of Jimius

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Chapter I – 270-266BC

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In the Summer of 2006, I decided to devote a period of time to playing and chronicling my adventures in Rome: Total War. It was the first such blog I had attempted and remains, for me, one of my favourites, so I’m going to secure it in safe internet format here. Enjoy!


270 BC – High Hopes

The senate mission is to capture the unwalled rebel city Segesta, so that’s what I’ll do. All spare troops march there and begin the assault, led by faction leader Flavius Julius. It’s my first battle in about six months so I’m a little rusty but it’s only peasants and fiery death works wonders on their fragile egos. The city is easily taken and the Senate grants me an invaluable 5000 denarii, which I spend on… roads.

269 BC – Nothing sodding happens
Now the Senate wish me to take Narbo Martius, a Gallic port. Flavius’ youngest son, Vibius, is tasked with accomplishing this, and sets sail in good spirits.

268 BC – War with Gaul and Military Incompetence
Vibius lands, having taken a full year to travel from Italy to France, vowing never to set foot on a boat again, finds his way from the port to the city blocked by Gaulish warlord Vindex. The sides are pretty equal, so a terse stand-off develops. Using the Solid Snake school of subtlety, I move closer and closer to the enemy in plain view without actually being reacted to. Throwing aside the… cardboard box… of… tactics, my hastatii all charge at once, causing a mass panic and Vindex is slain as he runs away.
Vibius now marches to Narbo Martius and begins the siege.


The Gauls counter-attack. Segesta is sieged, and the garrison at Narbo is relieved by a Captain Budic and a couple of warbands. I deal with them fairly efficiently before turning to face the main army, led by Meriadoc, who is apparently exploring the warlike side of hobbit-hood. While the infantry fight each other to a standstill, Vibius gets bogged down in a sea of skirmishers, and Meriadoc charges him, causing him to flee. The coward.
With a mighty roar, the entirity of the Roman infantry ram into Meriadoc and his bodyguard, allowing Vibius to escape. Gallic warbands begin to recover and close in, and the romans find themselves fighting inwards and outwards, like incredibly violent jam in a doughnut. Things not looking good, so as a last-ditch attempt, the archers plough into the back of one warband unit. For a few seconds there is nothing, and then, slowly, the flaky doughnut pastry crumbles and the Romans are left just victorious. In the chaos, Meriadoc escapes back to Narbo Martius.
The anxious Vibius purchases a few mercenaries to keep his stranded Roman forces a viable army for a siege.

Meanwhile, back in North Italy, troops are being frantically built to slow the inevitable Gallic backlash against my homelands. Some are hiding in the forest, and are able to ambush just such an opponent. However, due to fantastically badly-planned charges, they get wiped out. While ambushing. Sigh. To add insult to injury, rebels attack my navy by Narbo Martius and sink most of it, meaning Vibius really is stranded.

267 BC – One thousand, three hundred and twenty-seven funerals and a wedding
The year begins with Fadia tying the knot with a promising military commander called Publius Ofonius. After giggling at his name, I find another Julius, Amulius, has come of age. These two will have the job of clearing up whatever is south of the alps.

Vibius attacks Narbo directly, with three battering rams. Concentrating on one wall, and with a few well-timed javelin showers, the guarding forces are easily routed, and as Godzilla carves a path to the city centre, Vibius kills Meriadoc in revenge for making him run like a little girl. Honour is satisfied.

Godzilla, yesterday

Godzilla, yesterday

The Gauls attack my assembling North Italy destruction team, so I decide to try out a pincer movement. Two hastatii and a general to each claw, they charge one and I hammer with the other. My first real slaughter of the game.

Rebels siege my second city, Arimium, and sink what remains of my navy. The mayor is summoned, and presses three red buttons. Publius! Amulius! Lucius! House of Julii unite! This time an all-cavalry buckyball is the answer, as the rebels spread themselves too thin and allow cavalry to break through their flank and charge them on the rebound.


Arimium is safe.

266 BC – M-m-m-monster kill (kill, kill)
The newly liberated Narbo Martius is besieged, this time by Gauls, led by their faction leader Brennus. My Northern forces attack the main concentration of Gauls with fully one quarter of my armed forces. Making sure to steer clear of the woods, I despatch the main army without much hassle. Then a few reinforcements (two warbands and a general) dribble in, and not only manage to rout my entire left flank, but decimate my right, and only desperate charging drives them off.

Now, fully one tenth of my armed forces are dead. Not so good. Nevertheless, Quintus presses on and sieges Mediolanum (Milan).

Another Gaulish relief force, outnumbering me 3:2, springs up and attacks the siegers. The sallying garrison are easily got rid off, allowing me just enough time to arrange my Hastatii to meet the oncoming swordsmen. I’m not willing to withstand another gaul charge this time, so steal the initative, and for once it pays off, with my cavalry completing the rout.


Written by jiiiiim

November 4, 2008 at 7:00 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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