The Rise And Fall Of The House Of Jimius

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Chapter X – 217-214BC

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217 BC – War! Huh? War! 
Interspersed between random Brit-crushing, I decide the time is now ripe to leap and grab some straws. Clutch. Whatever. A couple of armies moving up towards Brittannic provinces seem a little far away and superfluous, so I invade Thrace with them instead. Hopefully the Publius with them will die of violent dysentry. The first army marches to Campus Getae, and equipped with onagers as it is, immediately assaults. This goes pretty much according to plan.

The wall is knocked down, the legionaries take the breach in testudo, claim the gateway and surrounding walls, and force whatever troops are there back to the square. Interestingly, enemy units will leave this if peppered with arrowfire from halfway across the city, and I use this to tempt the King of Thrace into a unit of hoplites. Which he crushes without loss. Sigh. Using the much-neglected “piley on” tactic, everyone with a sword, spear or stick leaps into the fray and eventually bring him down. One quick skip into the square later, the city is Roman, with a whopping 2 minutes to spare. Publius signs some autographs before moving onto Campus Scythii, where he decides to wait for a giant wall-tower thing. The other army in the area besieges Tylis, meaning all Thracian bases have been locked down in the space of a turn. 

Marcellus’ by-now-all-horse army is attacked by Brits with comfortingly few chariots. He leads the enemy on a merry dance before a series of devastating charges. Yawn. Trier sally, giving Captain Herius some work to do, the sally is far too fragmented to prevent a real threat and another British city gets a coat of red Julian paint to cover the blood. As the turn ends, a mysterious floating message tells me the people love me so much they want me to have a great big civil war. I tell them I’ll get back to them. 

216 BC – Thrace Threshed 
Tylis and Campus Scythii are assaulted, in much the same manner as Campus Getae, one with towers…

…and one with ladders…

Both prove equally effective and the Thracian dynasty is brought to a shuddering halt. Looking at the list of family members I had to kill to achieve this – Iptacens the Cold-Hearted, Ziles the Cruel and Gaidres the Cruel-Hearted – I feel the people are probably grateful.

To keep me on my toes, greasy foreigners decide now is the time to wreak some havoc on the unprotected south, and while Gauls siege Narbo Martius, Spaniards beach at Massilia, declare war, and siege that. It’s like fighting the bloody hydra. 

215 to 214 BC – Squeeeeze 
Over these two years, all remaining British mainland possessions are successfully captured. At Domus Dulcis Domus, the frontier armies survive a vicious sally by Vellocatus the Silures (What the hell does that even mean?), whereas Damme, Bordesholm and Balavadorum fall with nary a whimper to Herius, Marcellus and Quintus respectively. The remaining Romans merge into two full-strength armies and skip towards the English Channel. 

As it becomes apparent no siege equipment is being made at either Narbo or Massilia, a sally is in order. Narbo, with a mere 200 troops, is unable to repulse the single sieging warband, and the city lapses into Gallic ownership, 15 years after it was last taken from them. Now Massilia…. 

The battlefield consisted of four small hills, one to a corner, with an army on each. The two Roman half-armies were diagonally opposite, as were the Spanish cavalry force and uber-army. I decided to rush the cavalry hill (well, decide in that I had no other option) and advance in a covering fire way, one side shooting while the other advances. One big push later, all the cavalry had run away and it was about-turn to face the horde.

Which provides me with some very cool shots as they get pulled apart, capped off with the death of the King of Spain.

On they go to Iberia…


Written by jiiiiim

December 4, 2008 at 7:00 am

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Chapter IX – 223-218BC

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223 BC – Macedon Mashed 

Byzantium sally with 2000 peasants and gladiators. It turns out even gold-heron peasants flee if facing anything stronger than a mild breeze. This is one of those massacres.

Upon marching triumphantly into the city, 13,000 Macedonians are put to death, hopefully reducing it to a managable size. This is the last enclave of Macedons, and barring the recovery of their DNA from amber or something, they are effectively extinct. Only the second nation to go down, y’know. A small all-cavalry scouting force succeeds in losing to a group of Gauls hovering near Narbo Martius.

222 BC – Greece Gone and Numidia Knocked Out 
Now to terrorise the Hellenese, the Athenian troops board quinquiremes and beach up at Rhodes. Possessing an onager as they do, they attack immediately, and the Greeks, vastly outnumbered, have little hope, even the traditional crippling armoured general charge only killing a few hundred Romans. The Gauls make one last attempt to rescue their capital, striking out at Marcellus’ sieging army, but he’s having none of it. The Spanish take the last Numidian outpost of Tingi. 

221 BC – Germania Griefed 
The Britons finally subdue Germanic resistance, taking Domus Dulcis Domus.

A lot of this turn is dedicated to mopping up rebel pockets that have sprung up around the empire. I’d forgotten the rustic wholesomeness that is dealign with rebels with your own two hands.

After one particularly bloody battle, I get a general promoted! Yay! His name is Publius…oh God why?! 50 years in, y’know. The game stats have me as holding 27 regions, having won 107 battles and lost 47. That’s a lot of losses ¬_¬ 

220 BC – Carthage Carnage 
Can no-one stop the march of the Spaniards? They reach across the ocean to take Palma and crush Carthage. Oh good, the Scipii have declared war on them. Ignore what I just said. 

Seems stuff is going a bit stagnant so war with Brittania is called for. They hold all the old Germanic places so they’re no pushover. That’s why I took the precaution of moving 3 stacks of troops north, pre-emptive lyk. Spearheading the invasion is Captain Herius, who begins the game with a sieging of Mogontiacum. The Brits immediately fight back, and oh God, chariots.

My normal pre-charge tactics of darting around the enemy with cavalry have to take a back seat. Instead, the order of the day is harassing the only parts where there’s no chariots of death – the flanks. Teaming up with a unit of warhounds, a few warbands are taken out. To deal with the inevitable chariot charge, the second line of my troops (behind the legions) is skirmishers and spear auxilia, which rush forward to swamp any chariot charge when it happens.

Finally, cavalry wheel back around and crush the Brits from the flanks inwards. Mwuhaha. 

Now come the other two stacks. Marcellus from Gaul sieging Samarobreva, Quintus Julius II from Dacia sieging Vicus Gothi.

Again the brits react violently, attacking Quintus and he manages to shrug off some heavy casualties to lead them to a fine victory. Vicus Gothi enlists. 

219 to 218 BC – Closing the Net 

Quintus and Herius move around, soaking up Briton counter-attacks, while Marcellus storms into Samarobreva. Both sides’ infantry are caught in a churning melee by the gate, from which basically nothing emerges, both exhausted troops fleeing after taking horrendous losses. Then the archers are sent in to mop up. Turns out arrows are very good against light chariots, by the way.

Trier is sieged and the Brits are getting squeezed out of mainland Europe unless they can do something drastic.

Written by jiiiiim

December 2, 2008 at 7:00 am

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Chapter VIII – 228-224BC

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228 BC – Maneuverage 
I bundle three of my youngest, ugliest generals together with a big stack o’ troops and send them north to prepare for a Brittania invasion. I’m now completely and utterly fed up of Byzantium rioting so I decide to let them kill each other and leave the city en masse. After a few more turns of rioting, they realise that instead of killing their oppressors they are in fact killing thousands of their own for no reason and flippity-flip to Macedonian Dominion. They may only have peasants, but those are 2-gold-heron silver-armoured peasants. I have no idea how they train these guys so quickly.

The rest of my turn is spent very gradually outmaneuvering a large Greek Force standing outside Thermon. I move forward in an arc formation, and having eventually got into position, reselect “fire at will”. The general is taken out with a flaming onager shot, which always makes me smile. 

This battle sees the first successful use of the testudo formation, with Roman infantry finally finding a way to avoid the pre-charge missile battles. The battle finishes with a mere 3 minutes left. 

227 BC – Ready?…..Retreat! 
That enormous army that had left Byzantium to rot in its own juices padlocks the gate to make sure those elite peasants don’t get out. I finally lose all hope in the enemy AI when the Gauls attack Marcellus. On a bridge. Sigh. He then moves to the gates of Condate Redondem. There’s also a succession of battles where the Greeks and Macedonians run away rather than fight. In awesome news, troops heading to Alesai, the Gallic capital, manage to fight their way out of a rebel ambush. 

226 BC – The First Battle for Athens 
They reach Alesia! They attack the army there! They die horribly! Bugger! 

This turn’s all about the assault on Athens. I don’t think anything went right. I had exactly enough onager ammo to knock my chosen wall up to 92% damage and the siege tower megaglitched meaning no-one could go up the walls, so it had to be the sapping points. Athens is a very well-guarded city, y’know. A unit of archers dig up the walls, and those units that can form into testudo and brave the withering towerfire, and take the walls.

They run all the way to the main gate, and after a swift cavalry charge the Greeks guarding the front of the city are beaten back to the town square. 

It’s a slow march to the square, which is guarded by two general units (some Greeks got roped in to help the Macedonians) and a phalanx. These fiendish horsies are drawn out with distant arrowfire and into a wall of spear auxilia while I plough 600 flipping Roman Cavalry into all sides. And you know what? They STILL succeed in routing them. 

After enormous bloodletting, the Roman troops regroup and try the same thing again. This time, thank God, it works, and both warlords die a grisly death. Time is running out.

Everyone rushes the square and its single unit of hoplites, but to no avail. Macedon holds the city, and another 2000 Romans die for nothing…

225 BC – Booooo! 
Boring! The following die: 685 Gauls, 401 Dacians, 386 Greeks, 255 Romans, 52 dogs. Condate Redondem leaps into the bosom of Rome. Snigger. 

224 BC – CAN NOTHING KILL THIS MAN? Featuring Athens 
Marcellus is just marching to Alesia, minding his own business, when 1500 burly Gauls leap out of the woods. Bacon tree! I mean ambush! Basically, they’re f**ked. The mercenary warbands fight a running battle with the enemy cavalry as they attempt to collapse back to a defensive line, while Marcellus and a single unit of barbarian cavalry distract the bulk of the enemy’s infantry. The enemy cavalry is dealt with to huge losses, and then the main force impacts. Marcellus spots his opposite number sneaking round to flank and smashes into him, withdrawing when the enemy infantry begin to wonder if their warlord should be bleeding like that. Crushing a unit of chosen along the way, Marcellus attacks the guy again, and has enough time to administer the killing blow. It’s too late for my warbands, who have held up the enemy infantry valiantly but just don’t have the numbers to keep fighting. Marcellus darts around like some kind of butterfly, stings like a bloody hornet and somehow or other routs the ENTIRE ENEMY ARMY. including CHOSEN. Everyone else in his army is dead, mind ¬_¬. He upgrades to Victor and proceeds to Alesia, the Gallic capital, besieging it with a single warband he befriends along the way. Athens is likewise sieged, and Vicus Marcomanii’s garrison falls to a volley of javelins so another city signs up to Rome. 

And then come the second and third battles of Athens, as Macedon attempt to rescue their Greek holdings. 2000 descend from the mountains and I take up an excellent defensive position, defended on the left by impassible rocks and the right by the impassible red line of TRUTH. 2 Macedonian family members smash into the cohorts but they just about hold firm and repel the secondary and tertiary phalanx assaults.

I send dogs after the fleeing troops for a laugh. 


And still they come. 2500 line up led by the excellently named Captain Atalos. It’s all about maneuvering this time, the troops are few and falling. Archers lead phalanxes on a merry dance across the hilltops while the remaining 35 horsemen do their thing and isolate and destroy. This is amazingly close, but in the end I wing it. Athens is finally mine! over 7000 Macedonians spontaneously die in surprise. I also gain a new general, Augustus Licinus.

I have big plans for him…

And just when you thought the giant maps were forgotten about!

Written by jiiiiim

November 27, 2008 at 7:00 am

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Chapter VII – 232-229BC

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232 BC – Nenenene Nenenene BATMAN 
KAPOW! I siege Vicus Marcomanii, holding the Dacian leader. 
BASH! Marcellus kills yet more Gauls and gains the title “The Great” 
GERUND! He then marches forth and sieges Narbo Martius, with 4000 Gauls holed up inside. 
BIVOUAC! Captain Placidia moves so he can support Marcellus in the event of a counter-attack 
MOOSE! The Dacians siege me at Porrolissum.

231 BC – The Big One 
The Gallic army attacks! This is 3000 v 4000, winner takes all. Let’s size up the teams: 

2400 warband, 600 swordsmen, 600 chosen, 300 heavy cavalry 
1300 warband, 600 velites, 600 hastati, 300 light cavalry, MARCELLUS THE GREAT 

Gauls to go first. Both sets of reinforcements are delayed, so I have the time to more or less kill the 800 troops I initially face, though my warbands take massive losses against a single unit of chosen swordsmen. My reinforcements (2 hastati and a velite) spawn directly next to the humoungous enemy ones that comprise most of their force, so run all the way to my defended position.

The Gigantogaul force form in one long thin line and begin to converge on my position. I take my cavalry off to the side and punch through a warband as they get nearer. The chosen swordsmen and heavy cavalry impact into my front line, and immediately one hastati routs. I plug the gap with my reserve troops and grit my teeth as massive infantry losses are sustained. Marcellus goes off to the flanks and charges through my lines into the general. Meanwhile, the rest of my cavalry wheels around and heads back to the main fight. Marcellus manages to rout the enemy general and I send a unit with 7 equites left to chase after him. I carry on, plunging into the sides of the main battle. 

My cavalry smash into the back of the chosen swordsmen once, twice….on the third attempt, they finally rout. It’s a slow collapse, I have to crush inwards, but it eventually works. The equites succeed with catching up with and despatching the enemy warlord and I take this, grabbing my remaining infantry and hurling them into the units from the far ends of the line. Surprise defeats numbers, and the Gauls are finally routed. It is the beginning of the end for them. I march unopposed into Narbo Martius, 31 years after having been forced to leave. It is good to be the king. 

Meanwhile, the Dacians sally rather more successfully from Vicus Marcomanii, led by their enigmatic leader Scylarus. Nothing goes right for me in this battle, and the Romans are knocked out of Dacia for a few years. In further depressing news, the Greeks attack my forces as they siege Thermon. I inflict huge casualties but am defeated incredibly closely. Sucks to be me. The overall effects of this year’s battles are 4000 dead Roman soldiers, fully one quarter of my entire armed forces, to 6000 dead enemies. Seems Marius couldn’t come soon enough. I start to rebuild my army from the ground up, with troops that can take a pounding. 

230 BC – For Attrition! 

Marcellus’ destroyers split in two and siege Lugdunum and Lemonum, having a river face-off while troops in Greece attack the still siege-damaged Thermon again. There are hardly any defenders left now, and they are easily destroyed. Another city joins me, I dance a little jig, that’s what I do. 

229 BC – Double the fun 
I send around a plague-spy to the remaining non-Roman Greek cities and cackle evilly. Lugdunum is assaulted and, protected by a single warband as it is, is absorbed into Julian territory with minimum fuss. I siege Campus Lazyges and the Dacians immediately sally, two 1000-man armies against my one. I expcted one to be behind my deployment zone so deploy accordingly, but the dastardly swine are on the other side of the map. Both are about the same distance away so I quickly march to one of them, managing to sink their wardogs in a barrage of arrowfire before routing the rest of them in a counter-charge without too may losses. Busy, busy, redeploy to face the next army, not so many arrows, not so many deaths caused, they have two warlords, one flanks, charges into my cohort, they get him and then flee, the archer auxilia hold him in place, the other charges into my principes, one routs, the other takes him out. The other two principes are fighting 3 warbands and about ten million doggies. Here come the cavalry from chasing the other army, they go to each hotspot in turn and neutralise it.

Run spot run.

Written by jiiiiim

November 25, 2008 at 7:00 am

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Chapter VI – 238-233BC

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238 BC – Another day, another province 
I love fighting rebel armies. They’re so s**t. 546 kills to 15 losses somewhere in Greece. A big Gallic force tries to blast through Marcellus’ bridge warriors but he manages to grind them down into an eventual rout. Barbarian infantry are so damn useful in these battles – a warcry and charge into troops crossing the river works wonders. It takes all my men to rout the chosen swordsmen (while they massacre nearly all my legionary troops), but once they fall, the rest follow pretty easily. 

The Dacians sally at Aquincum with another big old army. I play ridge defender and this time, thank God, I withstand the charge, and manage to flank, counter-charge and win a heroic victory. Again the mercenary barbarians prove their sheer doggedness is a massive help. Quintus is gaining more prestige every day. Today he has 2 prestige, tomorrow, he will have more than 2. Just like that. 

237 BC – A truckload of war 
I was just thinking “You know, I’m not at war with enough countries” and sure enough, Greece besiege Larissa with a decent-sized army. The city itself is defended by about 4 units, including 0 archers, so I move the only missile unit I can find nearby next to the city. My faction leader Lucius assaults Iuvavum (yeah, I had to look up the spelling twice) and the enormous fool nobly impales himself on a warband spear, draining the fight from the remaining Romans who flee. Sigh. The Dacians continue to push me back, massacring a new-look Roman force that is moving north. 

Long live Quintus Victor, new emperor of the Julians! 

Marcellus, bridge defender extraordinaire, faces his biggest challenge to date, as three Gallic warlords team up with a full stack of warriors in the name of FINALLY BREAKING THROUGH. Hah! My fighting style is best described here as a lasagne, as I steadily layer on the troops into the beach-head melee, rather than my traditional big charge. This works wonders, and two warlords die with the third fleeing with tail ‘twixt legs and the families of 2400 dead Gauls to write letters to. The fact that both he and the families are illiterate isn’t the point, it’s the symbolism which matters. For the same reasons, I make Marcellus my new faction heir. 

And then the Greeks assault Larissa. They have ballistas, which they fire at my gates while I rush archers from the countryside into position. They manage to burn up the siege ram before it batters down my gate, and so all I have to worry about is wall-fighting. Principes prove adept at this and prevent the Greeks gaining a foothold. Mind, it’s partly their fault for sending peasants up a siege tower. To stop the rest retreating I send my men down the ladders they had just defended against and take the fight to those who remain. Greeks die en masse. My final act is to destroy the siege tower with 100 hoplites entombed inside. Good times. 

236BC – Dropping like flies 
Quintus keeps heading north and besieges Lovosice, but dies for no goddamn reason / old age at the gates. There goes my third leader with his glorious one year reign. Marcellus the Brave is my new leader. Huzzah! 
*throws hat in the air* 
At 33, he’ll hopefully live a lot longer. The remainder of Quintus’ army assault Lovosice and soundly destroy the faction heir holed up inside. What an irony. Iuvavum is resieged and destroyed in a similar way, using skirmishers to winkle out the enemy from their unroutable positions. I’d like to be able to say the same thing about the Greek city of Thermon, but despite being able to use onagers for the first time in a siege environment, I am not successful. HINT: Do not attack Greek phalanxes head on. Generals are wont to spontaneously grow large holes through their person. 

235 – 234 BC – The Dacia, The 
I attack Thermon again and the same happens. The problem with taking a city square is that the only route in is a small road. Each time, the enemy general charges and scatters all my principes without me being able to do much. Gnnngh. I take out my frustrations on more peasants (they burn so well) and Dacians (they’re like colanders by the time I’m out of arrrows). Marcellus’ river asskickers are attacked again but I can tell the Gaul’s hearts really aren’t in this. What they are in, is the river, floating downstream. I bribe me a rebel general to help out my leaderless Dacia-crushers. Who, incidentally, siege and take another city, Porolissum, as a sally goes wrong when they leave the gates open. 

233 BC – Change! 
More Dacian patrols get beaten back, though I am continually taking fairly heavy losses. The falxmen in particular are formidable enemies. The result of several skirmishes is 900 dead Dacians to 600 dead Romans. The typical Roman army at this point is half hastati, principe and warband, and half equite, skirmisher and archer. I need some kind of stabilising thing if I want to do better…hmm….some guy called Marius has an idea. 
The Marian Reforms are enacted, obsoleting all my troops ¬_¬ 

Marcellus has had enough of defending the river and finally strikes for Narbo Martius. It will be mine. Sooooon…

Written by jiiiiim

November 20, 2008 at 7:00 am

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Chapter V – 245-239BC

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245 BC – Treachery! 
My long-term (well, about ten years) allies Dacia decide they’ve had enough of my smug Roman ways, and I find a small army sieging Patavium. My complete lack of soldiers in the North Italian area isn’t going to help here. I put together what men I can and attack a smaller contingent that is circling towards Arimium, my second city. The result is crushing defeat, as I don’t adjust my battle-style for the harder-hitting Dacian infantry. Erk. Tweaking slightly, I find enough troops for a second attack and finally manage to kill them, though with heavy losses. Tricksy. 

Not wishing to lose my stride, I assault Thessalonica, and this ‘un goes well. I storm the walls with and take the towers myself. Their phalanxes are forced to retreat under the rain of arrows from their own defences. Mwuhaha. Though the square is defended to the last man, I manage to finish them off without too much hassle. Come winter, the victorious army marches north and sieges Bylazora, another Macedonian city. 

244 BC – Seleucia? More like Seluciaren’t 
Pontus and Egypt have been squeezing the Seleucids like a tube of colgate and today there is no more toothpaste. Oh noes! I mourn their passing by sallying forth from Patavium in concert with the troops that had just won that, ahem, “glorious” victory and for once, things go my way. A well-timed cavalry charge is enough to tip it my way and Italy is safe for another day. 

Bylazora puts up little resistance after the walls are kersploded, and I add another dominion to my ever-growing empire. This is perhaps noteworthy as the first battle I have used archers in, and they prove invaluable at whittling down the densely-packed phalanxes. Here’s a valley of death moment:


243 BC – Rome 1:2 Barbarians 

My hodgepodge of reinforcements siege the Dacian city of Segestica, and are attacked by their faction heir, Scyles. I decide to hide at the top of a forested hill, forgetting that all Dacian troops gain huge bonuses from fighting in woods. Sigh. A mixture of warbands and javelin volleys keep off the first wave but the second, larger wave impacts on my lines like a sledgehammer on jelly, to top it off I am outflanked and barbarian cavalry thunder into my defenceless/gormless general and in seconds they break and flee. Back to the drawing boards, I need bigger, better armies than these knock-kneed pillocks. 

242 BC – Imperial March 
Captain Herius is fast, also he is from the past, not just fast but from the past, captain He-ree-uss. He smashes a tentative Macedonian raiding party, killling over 800 for the loss of 11 men.

Bloody hell archers are good. He continues on his bloody warpath and lays siege to Byzantium, the last Macedonian place north of the Pelloppenes. I can’t spell that. 

Marcellus on the bridge is providing plenty of food for the trolls on the Gallic border. This time, his meager forces are attacked by 500 well-armed chosen swordsmen. They break through my infantry smothering box, but luckily Marcellus rescues me with some clever decoy work. Even the chosen don’t like being attacked on three sides simultaneously. Some of the Massilian garrison split off and reinforce this vital bottleneck while I deal with the more immediate Dacians. 

Now, you may remember Quintus Julius, who a few years ago saved my bottom by making good after Publius’ (hehe) legions were destroyed in Italy. He’s on the move again, drawing a new army to him, recruiting mercenaries, and lays siege to Segestica again. No surrender etc. As it goes, the Julian empire now holds around 25,000 citizens, employs just short of 10,000 soldiers, and has over 80,000 denarii in the bank. 

241 BC – So lon’, Macedon 

Super Captain Herius and the Wonder Legion assault Byzantium and smash it into small, bitesize chunks. The ruins get fed up and so spend their time looking all poetic and empty. All goes well until the city square, where a single enemy unit of light lancers manages to carve through all my battle-hardened principes. Gnnnngh. Luckily, my cavalry manage to make them pay and add Byzantium to the special friends group of settlements, but the loss of one thousand men is not unnoticed. The legion decide to settle for a bit before the strike at Dacia. 

Quintus the awesome assaults Segestica and smacks down the faction heir holed up in there all on his own (though the enraged guy did take over 200 skirmishers down with him). He leaves a bare bones garrison and marches to the river, to check any Dacian counter. I’m considering printing up posters to celebrate his incredibility. 

240-239 BC – Non-combat 
Sort of. Another Dacian army sieges Patavium, so I bribe them away. Expensive but satisfying.

I take my first onager for a test run on some rebels. Quintus’ merc-bulked army besieges the Dacian capital, Aquincum. Oh, and I sign a trade agreement with Parthia. They should be far enough away not to invade me for no reason.

Written by jiiiiim

November 18, 2008 at 7:00 am

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Chapter IV – 251-246BC

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251 BC – BBFC upgrade my campaign rating to PG13
Well, I’m now at war with Macedon, yes, yes, but I don’t want the Gauls to feel out so I bribe Lugdunum to join me with my fast-expanding cash reserves. The cost comes to 9000 or so Denarii, a snip at the price. Meanwhile, a large army without general goes to siege Narbo Martius. Numerius Julius comes of age in Appolonia, and joins the growing Balkan army I’m maneuvering about there. The House of Julii celebrates its 20th anniversary, and it has come to my attention that our people are somewhat less populous than they could be. Years and years of defending against the Gauls have left my cities depleted of men, so I designate the next ten years as the “Everybody have sex” decade, in the hope I can start building better barracks when the cities upgrade. I’m yet to get hold of Principes, dammit.

On top of that, I’m running out of things to buy and it doesn’t do to keep your reserves high – things in general start to get decadent. Generals in general start to get decadent. I also cancel the delivery of fifteen crates of EZ-peel grapes. They can make do with the other forty, lazy swines. And no more than two slaves per grape.

Numerius lays siege to the Macedonian city of Larissa – Brutii troops are currently blocking off the souther half of their provinces, so I decide to go for everything North of Albania. The garrison sallies with significant reinforcements in the next season. Fully 4000 men face my 2000. It is time to see if Numerius is the man his resumé made him out to be.

Fortunately, the two enemy waves are spaced out, but it is imperative I deal with the first before the second has a chance to join in. I deploy in a more or less traditional line setup, with two rows of hastati sandwiching my mercenary skirmishers, and some light cavalry hiding in the treeses. These cavalry are vital in dealing with the first wave.

After defeating the enemy cavalry away from the infantry portions of our armies through attrition, they wheel back, and while the hastati thin and pin (I am so trademarking that phrase) the numerous phalanxes, I am able to charge them from numerous directions and force a decent rout. The second wave is a little trickier to deal with, my forces, especially cavalry, depleted as they are, but it follows a more or less similar pattern. Vitally, I am able to counter-charge the mini-horde of light lancers led by the King of Macedon himself before they cause spectacular damage to my general’s head. After their mobility is taken from them, mopping up the remaining phalanxes isn’t too hard. They have learnt nothing since Alexander.

I march into Larissa, and as there doesn’t appear to be a ticker-tape parade forthcoming, put 11,000 Macedonians to death. That’ll teach them to stand up for themselves. Grrr…

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (and by ‘ranch’ I mean ‘Gaul’), my forces retreat to the river from another mahoosive horde. The horde press on and decide to attack a fortified river position. The sillies.

I use my trademark box formation (really quite effective for a side with no long-range missile abilities) and charge the Gauls down, scattering some of them into the river for a very morbid version of Pooh Sticks. After the battle, the previously unheralded Marcellus Messius is promoted to royal status. I love when this happens. Finally, the senate inform me Pergamum is no longer a relevant blockading target and suggest I go pick on Athens instead.

249 BC – Same as it Ever Was (Gaul in the deep again)
The newly-bribed city of Lugdunum is besieged and assaulted in successive turns by an enormous Gaul force. Not really much I can do other than spray and pray. Desperate defending is no use as I am completely outnumbered and Lugdunum falls with nary a whimper.





The Gauls assault my river guards again, showing a complete lack of pattern spotting and/or logic. But that’s why I love ’em.

A flock of low-flying javelin birds take care of them.

Bwahaha. As fun as it is soaking up large Gaul armies like this, I decide to push back to Narbo Martius again.

248 BC – Conform to Stereotype
I spot that the administrator and all-round bastard Amulius has been nicknamed “the mean”. To justify this, I equip him with the first pack of wardogs to roll off the production lines and get them to chase down some peasants that had sprung up. I forgot how fun this was!

My team en route to Narbo Martius is attacked a-freakin’-gain, this time by the warlord Cassivellaunus. The Gauls are swift becoming a thorn in my side – My hastati simply aren’t strong enough to take the charge unscathed, and I have to rely on nimble cavalry movements and general wearing down of warbands to win the day. I succeed, bruised, and siege Narbo. Please God let it fall soon.

247 to 246 BC – Days of the Groundhog
The Gauls sally again, this time with two big armies. I make the tactical decision to defeat one and then withdraw, after another Gallic charge decimates me again. Ho-hum. Back to the river. I’m really looking forward to repeatedly killing the population of Narbo, you know. Elsewhere, Numerius lays siege to the Macedonian capital, Thessalonica. Bugger all happens in 246, other than the sound of siege weaponry being feverishly constructed. Larissa starts to churn out some principes and archers.

Written by jiiiiim

November 13, 2008 at 7:00 am

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